All your fault
by Tintenschwert
Summary: After World´s End the ways of Jack and Barbossa were seperated...they were bound to meet each other again. Marroned, all alone on a godfordsaken island, standing on a beach and watching someone get away with their beloved Pearl...
1. What they wanted to do

**All your fault**

Disclaimer: PotC belong to Disney, Jerry Bruckheimer..whatever, just not me...Why? Why? No Jack for me...they have plenty of them...can´t they give just one to me? Pretty please?

Summary: What could happen after World´s End...Jack and Barbossa meet again...with certainly unexpected consequences

There were two things Barbossa and Jack learned that day.

1) History tends to repeat itself

and

2) History´s a bitch

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After Barbossa noticed that Jack cut the center of Sao Feng´s maps out, he was pissed. At first.

But, there were more treasure maps, more goals to be achieved than just one. Sure, he was not exactly happy that Jack had managed to make him like a fool (again), but he still got the Black Pearl.

The Pearl was (among Monkey-Jack and apples) the most important thing in Barbossa´s life.

He had spent ten years being undead, then a few months being dead and he was alive and kicking, and by the hell, he would enjoy life now. Rum, women and gold and treasures - come to think of it, he´ll leave the rum out - he saw what it did to Jack, and that was not how he was going to be.

What most people forgot was that the Isla de Muerta was still bursting with gold. And, since only the people who knew where it was, could find it (and he knew that cursed island longer than he wanted to) he would go there first, get as many gold as he could carry and sail to the next town and celebrate his life.

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Jack knew Barbossa would betray him. That was just like a rule in his game. There were few rules Jack followed. Some were "Rum is good, no rum is bad", "Slapping hurts and is (mostly) not deserved" and "I love the Pearl". The first rule was "I am captain Jack Sparrow!" That justified all his actions.

He was furious about not having the Pearl, but he had his mind set on greater goals. Immortality.

He would never go back to the Locker- he would rather suffer from the cursed aztec gold. Jack had an idea-or maybe he planned it all along. He was searching for the fountain of youth. But, that bloody thing was not exactly famous for being easy to find. He would need time. So he decided to buy him time.

He would sail to the Isla de Muerta, snatch a coin, be undead, find the fountain and bring the coin back. Very easy. Mad, but brilliant.

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Author´s talk: Reviews are good, rum is good, Jack is ..divine


	2. What they did

**All your fault**

Disclaimer: not mine. Sadly

Summary: Jack and Barbossa get marooned on an island...they´re not happy about it

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Jack claimed it was fate. Or bad luck. An angry god. A pissed Calypso. Davy Jones revenge from his wet grave. Karma maybe.

Barbossa said it was a typhoon that slowed down the Pearl that made both of them reach the cave at the same moment.

If Jack had acted wise, he would have run, taken a coin and then left the island again instead of dealing with a pirate crew (which was heavily armed).

But according to Jack´s rule #1 (I am captain Jack Sparrow!), he acted like he would always do.

He charged at Barbossa, attacked and tried to take his pearl back.

If Barbossa had reacted as cool as he claimed to be, he would take a gold back and leave.

But he was somehow pissed about Jack killing him and struck back.

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Back in the days when they belonged to the same crew, were on not exactly friendly, but tolerating terms, they used to practice with their swords. If you´re stuck at sea, with no wind for two days, you´ll gladly accept any chance to distract yourself.

They two fought against each other. Of course didn´t they tell anyone, but they were never able to beat the other. Slash for slash, stroke for stroke, cratch for scratch- they were equals.

Jack was a talented swordsman and unpredictable.

Barbossa was a brilliant fighter, but stuck to the old lessons on how he learned to fight.

In the end they knocked themselves out.

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Next thing they knew was that they were all alone, on a godforsaken island, watching someone sail away with the pearl.

(It was Pintel who found them and remembered his previous attempts to become captain. After the first voting (which meant a complete draw - because every pirate voted for himself) Pintel won the second, because Ragetti gave him his vote. He told him he would. And after they dumped the still unconcious ex-captains on a little island (they didn´t bother to take their weapons away- they were still afraid of Barbossa and consider leaving Jack unarmed would be unfair then-) Captain Pintel had however in his euphoric state forgotten that he left them with the maps and Jack´s compass. He noticed when they were a few miles away. And counted on the Pearl´s speed to escape the ex-captains´ fury.

Barbossa turned to Jack. Jack turned to Barbossa. "That is all your fault" they said in unison.

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Author´s talk: sorry for no pirate language, but as a non native speaker it´s hard to sound like as a pirate when you can´t even speak regular English properly 


	3. What happened next

**All your fault**

Disclaimer: ...I loved the many Jack´s scene...can I have one now?

Summary: What would you do if you´re stranded with your arch-nemesis on a little island? ...Imagine what Jack does. We know Jack is witty...but Barbossa´s the guy who outsmarted him. twice

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After a heavy round of bitching ("You attacked me!" "I wouldn´t have attacked when you hadn´t taken the Pearl away! Again!" "You shot me!" "That´s no excuse!" "If you hadn´t shot me, I´d never...") they were exhausted and panting. 

"It is crucial to stand here and see that bastard sail away with my ship" said Barbossa. Jack opened his mouth in protest and flailed his arms wildly at Barbossa."Excuse me." When Barbossa looked at him, Jack quirked an eyebrow. "Your. Ship. You moron! That is MY ship! You stole it! AGAIN!"

"Jack, Jack, Jaaaaaaack" Barbossa patted Jack´s shoulder in his paternal way. "Remind me...how many times have I´ve taken command of the Pearl yet? Not that your rum-soaked brain would actually remember, but I believe it was plenty of times. Does the Pearl really deserve a captain who manages to get his ship stole like twice a week?" While Jack opened his mouth again, raised his index finger to point something out, but closed his mouth with no sounds emerging when he could not think of a witty answer, Barbossa plopped down on the sand, took his hat and used it to create a breeze for him. His pet monkey who had hidden under his coat walked off to explore the island. When little-Jack was gone Jack quickly took his pistol and aimed at Barbossa. After the _click_ Barbossa turned his head to face Jack. "You already did that. Does the term _learning from experience_ tell you anything? Of course not" he added before Jack could say anything. "Besides," he grinned mischievously "do you really want a dead body here to attract vultures? Or other carnivores?"

Jack laughed shortly and stopped abruptly. "There are no vultures here." he said, although it almost sounded like a question. "Really?" asked Barbossa. "Then will the scent of human flesh surely call the cannibals here." Barbossa pulled his hat like a windhield in his face and leaned back against the palm tree behind him. Remembering his adventure with the Pelegostos Jack put his gun away. He plopped down at the opposite side. "And-" he asked. "You mastermind-planning-mutiny-ex-first-mate, what will you do to get away from here?" asked Jack while searching the horizon for approaching ships (and slumping when he saw none)

"You know, Jack... after the episode with Davy Jones, I came to a conclusion." started Barbossa. "What is life worth if you can´t enjoy it? I´ve spent too long time existing without being alive. All in now want is to enjoy life. Which was why I went to the cave to get some gold, sail to Tortuga maybe and have a hell of a good time." He leaned stretched lazily "Wine, Women- maybe a little card games -" "Which you managed just fine" interrupted Jack. Barbossa used his index finger to push the rim of his hat off his eye, quirked an eyebrow and looked at Jack with an unreadable expression.

"Our current situation changes only the ultimate means of my plan, not the plan itself. Instead of Tortuga I have a island like paradise, there´s the sea, nature, the warm sand, the sun on my skin and-" he punched the tree behind him which caused a coconut to fall down next to him which Barbossa cut open with his cutlass "I´m intending to enjoy this situation the most as I can." He emptied the nut in a few gulps. "I can go after the Pearl later."

"What makes you sure I won´t try to kill you when you´re relaxing here?" asked Jack cockily while he was playing hith his pistol. He just had to threat Barbossa (Jack Rule #3). Barbossa pulled his hat completely on his face and answered sleepily "Then you´d have to deal with Jack." And on cue his pet monkey hopped on Barbossa´s shoulder and showed Jack (Sparrow) his sharp, pointy teeth. "Nice monkey" said Jack.


	4. What is driving Jack crazy

**All your fault**

Disclaimer: Oh how I want Jack!

Summary: After being marooned the two captains get adapted to it- more or less.

Jack Sparrow spent the next day exploring the island (a.k.a. searching for hidden rum, hollow trees, secret rooms, rum or anything else than Barbossa and rum stashes). He was too relaxed with this marooned-thing for Jack. He suspected something.

Barbossa, his arch-nemesis, first mate, captain, betrayer and what -else was walking bare-footed at the shore, pants rolled up to his knees. The coat laid next to his boots and other effects. He only kept the cutlass and his telescope. And the hat. You could think he was on holiday.

Accompanied by Monkey-Jack he stabbed even a few fishes. The man WAS enjoying this. Jack was just like a very talkative fly to him - annyoing, but it could be ignored.

Jack was pissed. He should be the one to keep a cool head, to develop a plan, to flee from here, take his Pearl back., kick the mutineer´s ass to Europe and search the fountain of Youth.

Instead he was watching his arch-nemesis who was talking to his pet monkey strolling at the beach. To make it all worse Jack thought everytime he heard "Jack" that Barbossa was talking to him. Confusing.

Jack thought now that killing Barbossa would not make sense (Oh, and how much sense it would make for him) because this man, so infuriating it was, had built a little camp for himself and Monkey-Jack, used his monkey (like the knight´s used trained falcons) for hunting, and had developed the creepy ability to knock coconuts from palmtrees which stood all around the island.

Jack wanted to make his own camp (Camp Jack) at the opposite side of the island, but the crocodiles who were living there were not particulary fond of that idea. Jack used Plan B now: Use every oppurtunity to mock/threaten Barbossa to make him act normal again.

Then he could finally kill him for good, keep a good conscience about it and develop a good plan. Having your nemesis only half a mile away (a happy, confident, relaxed man who resembled Barbossa so little Jack thought that Barbossa must have hit his head and that´s why acted like that) does no good for fleeing plans.

Jack had to get his life standards back to normal. And this Barbossa did so NOT fit in there. It felt not right. It was constantly nagging him. What was Barbossa planning? What devilish plan had he in mind to make Jack act like an idiot? When would his mask crack and reveal the real barbossa he used to know?

Jack had to make him normal again -he would have no peace for other activities when he was overly suspicious about Barbossa. (Of course he was suspicious about him, but that used to be normal suspicion against the man who took his ship. Now it was creepy-awaiting the unavoidable- suspicion. And Jack did not like that)

He developed some plans to bring normal Barbossa back.

His first plan was to wait until one of the coconuts Barbossa knocked frequently from the trees would land on Barbossa´s head and make him normal again. Then they could plot/fight/kill each other/escape/do anything besides what they were doing now. But Barbossa had to be allied with the nuts here, they only fell directly to his feet and he cut them open.

Plan 2 was to simply throw a coconut at Barbossa´s head. But Monkey-Jack caught him on a tree and gave him a deranged/threatening/maniacal grin and Jack thought of

Plan 3: Knock Barbossa with an oar over the head. But he had no oar. It was maddening. On the second day (Barbossa spent the night in his selfmade hut, Jack spent the night on a tree evading the corcodiles) Jack knew his condition was getting worse.

His shoulder angel and his shoulder devil had reappeared. He believed them stuck at the Flying Dutchman, but they were here to haunt him. "You could make friends with him,you know, you suffer the same fate." "Nah, kill ´im!" "You were both dead, I bet you could get along well." "He took the Pearl, kill him!" Jack sunk into denial.

There are no little Jack´s on my shoulders. I don´t see grinning crocodiles. I´m not slowly getting mad.I´m not rum deprived. Barbossa´s not marooned here. I´m not stuck on an island with my arch-nemesis who is a happy, good man now. I´m not inventing plans to bring back an evil guy who stole my ship. I´m not rum deprived. Monkey´s not stalking me. I did not found the dead savage body last night. There ware no cannibals on this island. I´m not rum deprived.

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Author´s talk: Jack´s getting slowly mad here...at least more mad then he already is. Maybe I should look more through Barbossa´s eyes...maybe not 


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